It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
