if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
