Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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