the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
