He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Watching her eat just hurts me
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
