I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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