I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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