Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
