Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
