Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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