Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
