12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I am one with the molecules
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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