There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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