Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
