If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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