Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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