As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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