I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
