i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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