1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
