i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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