I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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