bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
