I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
