Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
