I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
