i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
