I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
