idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
