Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
