i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
