If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
