Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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