they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
