He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The air was thick with penises
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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