Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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