Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
