i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
