y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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