i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
