I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
