I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
