she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize