we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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