you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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