highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
