your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize