shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
