Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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