Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
