theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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