The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
