My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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