Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
