Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
