I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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