Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
