Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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