Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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