If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
