and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
