Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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